Исламска наивност и нелепост: Разлика между версии

Тази статия изброява някои от по-хумористичните текстове, които се намират в [[Ислямът и свещените му книги|ислямските свещени книги]].

Вижте видео на един ислямски духовник по повод това събитие [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL5nw7cx0kg тук.]

{{Quote|Taiseer-ul-Baari, volume 2, Page 626|According to `Amr b. Maymûn : I was in Yemen. Amongst the female goats of my people, I saw that at a heightened place, a male monkey brought along a female monkey and slept while keeping her hand beneath his head. During this time, a young monkey came and signaled the female monkey. She softly removed her hand from beneath the male monkey's head and went with the young monkey. She fornicated with him and I was watching it. After that, the female monkey returned and was softly trying to put her hand back under the male monkey's head that he woke up bewildered and smelled her and then screamed. <BR><BR>All the monkeys gathered thereafter. He would point towards her and scream constantly (i.e. she has committed adultery). At last the other monkeys went towards the right left and brought along that young monkey whom I recognized. They dug a hole for this young monkey and the female one and stoned them to death. So I saw monkeys stoning to death too besides the human race.}}

This is consistent with the Qur'an in its claim that Jews (who at one time practiced stoning) were turned into apes:

{{Quote|{{Quran|2|65}}|"And you know well the story of those among you who broke Sabbath. We said to them: "Be apes—despised and hated by all. Thus We made their end a warning to the people of their time and succeeding generation, and an admonition for God-fearing people."}}

===Unpaid debt to turn into talking snake on Judgement Day===

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|9|86|89}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "On the Day of Resurrection the Kanz (Treasure or wealth of which, Zakat has not been paid) of anyone of you will appear in the shape of a huge bald-headed poisonous male snake and its owner will run away from it, but it will follow him and say, 'I am your Kanz.'" The Prophet added, "By Allah, that snake will keep on following him until he stretches out his hand and let the snake swallow it." Allah's Apostle added, '''"If the owner of camels does not pay their Zakat, then, on the Day of Resurrection those camels will come to him and will strike his face with their hooves."'''}}

===Monkeys and pigs are humans who once played music===

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|69|494}}|Narrated Abu 'Amir or Abu Malik Al-Ash'ari:

that he heard the Prophet saying, "From among my followers there will be some people who will consider illegal sexual intercourse, the wearing of silk, the drinking of alcoholic drinks and the use of musical instruments, as lawful. And there will be some people who will stay near the side of a mountain and in the evening their shepherd will come to them with their sheep and ask them for something, but they will say to him, 'Return to us tomorrow.' Allah will destroy them during the night and will let the mountain fall on them, and He will transform the rest of them into monkeys and pigs and they will remain so till the Day of Resurrection."}}

{{Abudawud|38|4448}} prescribes the death sentence for an unmarried man who commits sodomy but there is no prescribed punishment for having sex with an animal:

{{Quote|{{Abudawud|38|4450}} |Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:

There is no prescribed punishment for one who has sexual intercourse with an animal.}}

===Sheeps prefer female babies===

{{Quote|{{Abudawud|15|2829}} |Narrated Umm Kurz:

I heard the Prophet (may peace be upon him) say: Let the birds stay in their roosts. She said: I also heard him say: Two sheep are to be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl, but it does you no harm whether they are male or female.}}

===Have flu? Try fresh camel urine===

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|71|590}}|The climate of Medina did not suit some people, so the Prophet ordered them to follow his shepherd, i.e. his camels, and drink their milk and urine (as a medicine). So they followed the shepherd that is the camels and drank their milk and urine till their bodies became healthy.}}

===Women can woof too===

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|9|490}}|Narrated 'Aisha: The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, "Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people)." I said, "You have made us (i.e. women) dogs... "}}

===Goat ate my Qur'an===

{{Quote| {{Bukhari|4|54|522}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "When you hear the crowing of cocks, ask for Allah's Blessings for (their crowing indicates that) they have seen an angel. And when you hear the braying of donkeys, seek Refuge with Allah from satan for (their braying indicates) that they have seen a satan."}}

===The speaking cow===

{{Quote| {{Bukhari|4|56|677}}| Narrated Abu Huraira:  

Once Allah's Apostle; offered the morning prayer and then faced the people and said, "While a man was driving a cow, he suddenly rode over it and beat it. The cow said, "We have not been created for this, but we have been created for sloughing." On that the people said astonishingly, "Glorified be Allah! A cow speaks!" The Prophet said, "I believe this, and Abu Bakr and 'Umar too, believe it, although neither of them was present there. While a person was amongst his sheep, a wolf attacked and took one of the sheep. The man chased the wolf till he saved it from the wolf, where upon the wolf said, 'You have saved it from me; but who will guard it on the day of the wild beasts when there will be no shepherd to guard them except me (because of riots and afflictions)? ' " The people said surprisingly, "Glorified be Allah! A wolf speaks!" The Prophet said, "But I believe this, and Abu Bakr and 'Umar too, believe this, although neither of them was present there."}}

===More horse dung and urine equals more heavenly rewards===

{{Quote|{{bukhari|4|52|105}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  

The Prophet said, "If somebody keeps a horse in Allah's Cause motivated by his faith in Allah and his belief in His Promise, then he will be rewarded on the Day of Resurrection for what the horse has eaten or drunk and for its dung and urine."}}

{{quote|{{bukhari|1|3|91}}|Narrated Zaid bin Khalid Al-Juhani<BR>

{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|4994}}|This hadith has been reported on the authority of Jabir through another chain of transmitters but with a slight variation of words:” '''The mouse may set the house on fire over its inhabitants'''.”}}

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|524}}|The Prophet said, "A group of Israelites were lost. Nobody knows what they did. But I do not see them except that they were cursed and changed into rats, for if you put the milk of a she-camel in front of a rat, it will not drink it, but if the milk of a sheep is put in front of it, it will drink it." I told this to Ka'b who asked me, "Did you hear it from the Prophet ?" I said, "Yes." Ka'b asked me the same question several times.; I said to Ka'b. "Do I read the Torah? (i.e. I tell you this from the Prophet.)"}}

==Race relations, the Islamic way==

The Prophet said, "Listen and obey (your chief) even if an Ethiopian whose head is like a raisin were made your chief."}}

==In a dream, Satan cannot imitate the Prophet==

{{Quote|{{bukhari|9|87|123}}, See also {{bukhari|9|87|124}}, {{bukhari|9|87|125}}, and {{bukhari|9|87|126}}|Narrated Anas:

The Prophet said, "Whoever has seen me in a dream, then no doubt, he has seen me, for Satan cannot imitate my shape.}}  

==Don't be late, the angels are watching==

{{Quote|{{bukhari|4|54|433}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  

The Prophet said, "On every Friday the angels take heir stand at every gate of the mosques to write the names of the people chronologically (i.e. according to the time of their arrival for the Friday prayer and when the Imam sits (on the pulpit) they fold up their scrolls and get ready to listen to the sermon."}}

==Allah wants to see you...naked==

{{Quote|{{bukhari|8|76|531}}, See also {{bukhari|8|76|532}}, {{bukhari|8|76|533}}, and {{bukhari|8|76|533}} |Narrated Ibn Abbas:

{{Quote|{{bukhari|8|76|505}} |Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:  

 

I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "People are just like camels, out of one hundred, one can hardly find a single camel suitable to ride."}}

 

{{Quote|{{Muslim|19|4309}}|It is narrated on the authority of Abu Sa'id that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: On the Day of Judgment '''there will be a flag fixed behind the buttocks''' of every person guilty of the breach of faith.}}

 

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|491}}|Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "During your sleep, Satan knots three knots at the back of the head of each of you, and he breathes the following words at each knot, 'The night is, long, so keep on sleeping,' If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, then one knot is undone, and when he performs ablution the second knot is undone, and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively and gay, otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy. "}}

 

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|21|245}}|Narrated 'Abdullah : A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, "Satan urinated in his ears."}}

 

===Devil sleeps in our what?===

{{Quote|{{Muslim|2|462}}|Abu Huraira reported: The Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said. When any one of you awakes up from sleep and performs ablution, he must clean his nose three times, for the devil spends the night in the interior of his nose.}}

 

 

The Prophet offered a prayer, and (after finishing) he said, "Satan came in front of me trying persistently to divert my attention from the prayer, but Allah gave me the strength to over-power him."}}

 

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|506}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  

 

The Prophet said, "When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers, except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead."}}

 

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|509}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:  

 

The Prophet said, "Yawning is from Satan and if anyone of you yawns, he should check his yawning as much as possible, for if anyone of you (during the act of yawning) should say: 'Ha', Satan will laugh at him."}}

 

 

{{quote|[{{Bukhari-url-only|3|38|505}}t Sahih Bukhari 3:38:505t]|Narrated Abu Huraira<BR>

 

Allah's Apostle deputed me to keep Sadaqat (al-Fitr) of Ramadan. A comer came and started taking handfuls of the foodstuff (of the Sadaqa) (stealthily). I took hold of him and said, "By Allah, I will take you to Allah's Apostle ." He said, "I am needy and have many dependents, and I am in great need." I released him, and in the morning Allah's Apostle asked me, "What did your prisoner do yesterday?" I said, "O Allah's Apostle! The person complained of being needy and of having many dependents, so, I pitied him and let him go." Allah's Apostle said, "Indeed, he told you a lie and he will be coming again." I believed that he would show up again as Allah's Apostle had told me that he would return. So, I waited for him watchfully. When he (showed up and) started stealing handfuls of foodstuff, I caught hold of him again and said, "I will definitely take you to Allah's Apostle. He said, "Leave me, for I am very needy and have many dependents. I promise I will not come back again." I pitied him and let him go.

{{Quote| {{Bukhari|1|11|582}}|Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle said, "When the Adhan is pronounced Satan takes to his heels and passes wind with noise during his flight in order not to hear the Adhan. When the Adhan is completed he comes back and again takes to his heels when the Iqama is pronounced and after its completion he returns again till he whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and that causes him to forget how much he has prayed."}}

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|54|506}}| Narrated Abu Huraira:

'''The Prophet said, “When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers''', except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead.”|}}

{{Quote|1=[http://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=55&translator=1&start=0&number=641#641 Sahih Bukhari Book 55 No. 641]|2=Narrated Said bin Al-Musaiyab: Abu Huraira said, “I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, ‘There is none born among the off-spring of Adam, but Satan touches it. '''A child therefore, cries loudly at the time of birth because of the touch of Satan''', except Mary and her child.” Then Abu Huraira recited: “And I seek refuge with You for her and for her offspring from the outcast Satan.” (3.36)}}

{{Quote|{{Muwatta|49|4|6|}}|Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Abu Bakr ibn Ubaydullah ibn Abdullah ibn Umar from Abdullah ibn Umar that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When you eat, eat with your right hand and drink with your right hand. Shaytan eats with his left hand and drinks with his left hand."}}

Whenever the Prophet went to answer the call of nature, he used to say, "Allah-umma inni a'udhu bika minal khubuthi wal khaba'ith i.e. O Allah, I seek Refuge with You from all offensive and wicked things (evil deeds and evil spirits)."}}

{{Quote|Sunan Ibn Maja, Zuhd (Book of Abstinence) 39|Abu Umama narrated: "The Messenger of God said, 'Everyone that God admits into paradise will be married to 72 wives; two of them are houris and seventy of his inheritance of the [female] dwellers of hell. All of them will have libidinous sex organs and '''he will have an ever-erect penis'''.' "}}

{{Quote|Al-Itqan fi Ulum al-Qur'an, p. 351|"Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and '''all will have appetizing vaginas'''."}}

==Allah punishes Muhammad for Safiyah's capture by making him fall off a camel==

[[Safiyah]] bint Huyay was a woman that Muhammad captured and married, after killing her husband.

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|4|52|318}}|Narrated Anas bin Malik: '''We were in the company of the Prophet while returning from 'Usfan, and Allah's Apostle was riding his she−camel keeping Safiya bint Huyay riding behind him. His she−camel slipped and both of them fell down.''' Abu Talha jumped from his camel and said, "O Allah's Apostle! May Allah sacrifice me for you." The Prophet said, "Take care of the lady." So, Abu Talha covered his face with a garment and went to Safiya and covered her with it, and then he set right the condition of their shecamel so that both of them rode, and we were encircling Allah's Apostle like a cover. When we approached Medina, the Prophet said, "We are returning with repentance and worshipping and praising our Lord." He kept on saying this till he entered Medina.}}

==Tortured in the grave for peeing on himself==

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|215}}| Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:

Once the Prophet, while passing through one of the grave-yards of Medina or Mecca heard the voices of '''two persons who were being tortured in their graves'''. The Prophet said, "These two persons are being tortured not for a major sin (to avoid)." The Prophet then added, "Yes! (they are being tortured for a major sin). Indeed, '''one of them never saved himself from being soiled with his urine''' while the other used to go about with calumnies (to make enmity between friends). The Prophet then asked for a green leaf of a date-palm tree, broke it into two pieces and put one on each grave. On being asked why he had done so, he replied, "I hope that their torture might be lessened, till these get dried." }}

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|1|4|215}}| Narrated Abu Aiyub Al-Ansari:

Allah's Apostle said, "If anyone of you goes to an open space for answering the call of nature he should neither face nor turn his back towards the Qibla; he should either face the east or the west}}

==Black dogs are devils==

{{Quote|{{Muslim|28|5612}} | Buraida reported on the authority of his father that Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) said: He who played chess is like one who dyed his hand with the flesh and blood of swine.}}

==Aminah and her vagina light==

==Free a Muslim slave, and save your private parts==

The Prophet said, "If somebody manumits a Muslim slave, Allah will save from the Fire every part of his body for freeing the corresponding parts of the slave's body, even his private parts will be saved from the Fire) because of freeing the slave's private parts."}}

==Don't ever raise your head==

{{Quote|{{Abudawud|1|22}}|Narrated Amr ibn al-'As:

{{Quote|{{Quran|22|15}}|Whoso is wont to think (through envy) that Allah will not give him (Muhammad) victory in the world and the Hereafter (and is enraged at the thought of his victory), let him stretch a rope up to the roof (of his dwelling), and let him hang himself. Then let him see whether his strategy dispelleth that whereat he rageth!.}}

==Drunk water while standing up? Puke it out!==

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

==Perpetual suicide==

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever." }}

'''Note:''' What if the poison is delicious?

==Masturbation leads to a pregnant hand and too much sex leads to death==

{{Quote|[[Harm No. 14: Leads to Masturbation|The 14 Harms Of Casting Evil Glances]]<BR>Shaikh ul Arab wal Ajam Hazrat Maulana Shah Hakeem Muhammad Akhtar Saheb|'''15. Harm No. 14: Leads to Masturbation'''<BR>. . .<BR>

Just as it is unlawful and forbidden to commit sexual intercourse with a strange man or woman, it is likewise forbidden to masturbate.

Unfortunately, this sin has become widespread in this day and age. In some narrations of Hadith there are severe warnings against this sin. It has been mentioned that '''the person who masturbates shall be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with a pregnant hand'''. It has also been mentioned that the ناکح الید (''the one who masturbates'') is under the curse of Allah. Fulfilling one's sexual desires in an unlawful manner is obviously impermissible. But one should also be cautious of excessive permissible sex. Too much sexual intercourse spoils the health and drains one's strength.

Spiritually, one does not get enjoyment in worship and ''Zikr''. If also causes the child to be born weak and frail. It is for this very reason that the Buzurgs have advised to preserve the semen. After 15 to 30 days when there is a strong urge to have sex, only then should one fulfill one's desire. The lion copulates once a year and from that it breeds offspring.

Similarly, those people who have intercourse after long intervals of time produce strong and healthy children. Therefore, moderation is necessary in sexual relations with one's wife, otherwise '''excessive sex can even lead to death.''' My Shaikh, ''Hazrat Phoulpoori'' (رحمۃ اللہ علیہ) narrated to us the incident of an ''Alim'' who had a very beautiful wife. Whenever he would come home from running errands and would see his wife, then he would not be able to control himself. He used have so much sexual relations that after six months, instead of discharging semen, '''blood started to ejaculate from his penis'''. This eventually led to a severe fever after which he died. Beauty was the cause of his death. This is why I advise to have moderation in permissible things as well. As for the unlawful, then my advice is not to even go near ''Haraam''. May Allah Ta'ala grant us the ability to practice upon what has been said. Amen}}

==Muhammad the inadvertent trend-setter has a temper tantrum==

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|7|72|756}}, See also: {{Muslim|24|5210}}, and {{Bukhari|7|72|755}}|Narrated Ibn. 'Umar:  

Allah's Apostle wore a gold ring or a silver ring and placed its stone towards the palm of his hand and had the name 'Muhammad, the Apostle of Allah' engraved on it. The people also started wearing gold rings like it, but when the Prophet saw them wearing such rings, he threw away his own ring and said. "I will never wear it," and then wore a silver ring, whereupon the people too started wearing silver rings. Ibn Umar added: After the Prophet Abu Bakr wore the ring, and then Umar and then 'Uthman wore it till it fell in the Aris well from 'Uthman. bin 'Umar : Allah's Apostle wore a gold ring, then he threw it and said, "I will never wear it." The people also threw their (gold) rings.}}

The Prophet said, "Gabriel said to me, 'Whoever amongst your followers die without having worshipped others besides Allah, will enter Paradise (or will not enter the (Hell) Fire)." The Prophet asked. "Even if he has committed illegal sexual intercourse or theft?" He replied, "Even then."}}

==Prophet's sweat used as perfume==

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|8|74|298}}|Narrated Thumama:

Anas said, "Um Sulaim used to spread a leather sheet for the Prophet and he used to take a midday nap on that leather sheet at her home." Anas added, "When the Prophet had slept, she would take some of his sweat and hair and collect it (the sweat) in a bottle and then mix it with Suk (a kind of perfume) while he was still sleeping. "When the death of Anas bin Malik approached, he advised that some of that Suk be mixed with his Hanut (perfume for embalming the dead body), and it was mixed with his Hanut.}}

==Refusing to die, Moses slaps Angel of Death and damages his eye==

{{Quote|{{Bukhari|2|23|423}}, |Narrated Abu Huraira: The angel of death was sent to Moses and when he went to him, Moses slapped him severely, spoiling one of his eyes. The angel went back to his Lord, and said, "You sent me to a slave who does not want to die.".....}}

==Eat dirty food and lick your fingers clean to starve the devil==

{{Quote|{{Muslim|23|5046}}, See Also: {{Muslim|23|5049}}|Jabir reported: I heard Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: The Satan is present with any one of you in everything he does; he is present even when he eats food; so if any one of you drops a mouthful he should remove away anything filthy on it and eat it and not leave for the devil; and when he finishes (food) he should lick his fingers, for he does not know in what portion of his food the blessing lies.}}

==Muslim women gossip about their husbands==

{{Quote|{{cite web|url=http://www.alim.org/library/hadith/SHB/117/7 |title=Bukhari Hadith 7.117 |publisher=Alim.org |author= |date= |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20160707081153/http://www.alim.org/library/hadith/SHB/117/7 |deadurl=no}}|Narrated Aisha: Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats, he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests." The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain. Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." 'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."}}

{{quote|{{bukhari|2|18|158}}|Narrated Abu Bakr: "Allah's Apostle said: "The sun and the moon are two signs amongst the signs of Allah and they do not eclipse because of the death of someone but Allah frightens His devotees with them."}}

 

==Can you even make heads or tails out of this?==

 

{{Quote|{{cite web|url=https://sunnah.com/abudawud/29/27 |title=Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 29 Hadith 27 |publisher= |author=Abu Dawud |date= |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20160201064840/http://sunnah.com/abudawud/29/27 |deadurl=no}}|Narrated Asma', daughter of Yazid ibn as-Sakan: I heard the Messenger of Allah as saying: Do not kill your children secretly, for the milk, with which a child is suckled while his mother is pregnant, overtakes the horseman and throws him from his horse.}}

==Shia: They too deserve their place in this silliness, don't they?==

===Adultery causes sudden deaths and the earth punishes tax evaders===

===RIP dieticians===

{{Quote|{{cite book|url=https://www.al-islam.org/mizan-al-hikmah-scale-wisdom-ayatullah-muhammadi-rayshahri/bathhouse |title=Al-Khisal |publisher= |author=Ibn Babawayh |date= |archiveurl= |deadurl=no}} p. 155, no. 194.|Imam al-Sadiq said, "Three things cause weight gain and three others cause weight loss. As for those that cause weight gain, [they are] excessive use of the bathhouse, smelling sweet fragrance and wearing soft clothing. And as for those that cause weight loss, they are: eating too many eggs, fish and unripe dates."}}

 

 

 

 

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